I wonder how many other people think like I do, my birthday should be a Holiday, even a personal one, where I do not have to work and be waited on like a king. Ok now back to reality.

Now that I get to explore the other side of 50, yep I turned 51 today, I really do feel kind of scared.  It is like I am waiting for me to physically fall apart.  I mean my vision is already bad, the mornings are getting harder to get out of bed, and I go to sleep earlier and earlier.  Hold it, I have been like that since I was 30.

I honestly would like to feel like I am a bottle of good wine, I get better with age. I know it is an old joke, but the funny part is there is some truth in it.  I still feel like a 25 year old (well 26 now) caught in this old bear body.  I know some  21 year olds who act more mature than me. So if it is what is inside that counts, well then I just turned 26, HA!

Yesterday, I started getting those birthday wishes on Facebook from my friends and family. One really stood out from a cousin of mine. it went, "Happy Birthday Billy! May your day be filled with love and laughter!" (Ignore the Billy part please, maybe some other day I will blog on that.) My response to the post was "Forget love and laughter, I want food and booze".

That was just the first thing that came to my mind.  I mean my boyfriend is asking me what I want for my birthday, and I really and not giving him any clues. I told him once, "How about you buy dinner and drinks?" See food and booze. But thinking about it more and more, I really like the wishes from my cousin.

Love and Laughter! When you think about it what could be better than a day filled with those you care about and also care about you. I mean I really have a great boyfriend and some excellent friends all of them I love dearly. When we get together, no matter if it is for dinner, drinks (hmmm food and booze again), or a game of cards, we have a good time and laughter is a big part of it.

So now my response to my cousin who wished a day "filled with love and laughter", I am responding, thanks cousin! I will make sure it is centered around food and booze!.

I received a phone call while having lunch yesterday (1/10/20190) at 1:24 pm, informing me that Greg Knott had passed away. A tremendous feeling of grief, loss and sadness fell over me. I am not ready to loose such a close and good friend.

I met Greg in the summer of 1996.  I remember it well, it is when I officially "came out" to the world.  I was very confused at the time, not as to my orientation, but as to entering the community I for so long wanted to enter publicly. At this time Greg owned the bar, Bretz, here in Toledo. Which happened to be the first gay bar locally I ever went to, other than my "sneaky" trips out of town.

After meeting and talking to Greg, I also decided to move my accounting offices up-stairs from Bretz. I remember talking to Greg telling him about my fear of letting my clients know I was gay, but I also told him I needed them to know. His response was to tell me to open my accounting offices upstairs from Bretz, telling me that would be a signal to all of them. Greg, on the day I moved in, put a gay flag in my window on the second floor.

The times I hold dearest with Greg was our afternoon talks.  In the morning when he arrived at the bar to get his deliveries or clean up, he would call me on the phone and say "coffee is ready." I would grab my cordless phone, walk down the back steps, and we would sit at the bar and have long and meaningful conversations.

I remember the times he would "scold" me about by behaviour the night before or inform me as gay professional in the Toledo area what my responsibilities were to attend certain events and to support certain organizations.

So to say goodbye to him. Greg, you were the most influential person in a period of my life when I needed the most guidance, help and support.  You have always been there for me my good friend. I will miss you more with each passing day.